2019 Reading List

Hey y'all!

 Here's my finished 2019 reading list! I remember reading more than this so I'm probably missing a few, but obviously I didn't like them enough to remember to put them down, lol.

2019 Reading List

 Books in italics are currently being read. Books in bold are favorites. Books underlined aren't going to be finished.

The Cellar - Natasha Preston
Wildly Into the Dark: Typerwriter Poems and the Rattlings of a Curious Mind - Tyler Knott Gregson
Impulse - Ellen Hopkins

Dreamfall - Amy Plum

Fish Girl - David Wiesner and Donna Jo Napoli

Real Friends - Shannon Hale and Leuyen Pham

Eeny Meeny - MJ Arlidge

Pop Goes the Weasel - MJ Arlidge (may reread at later date)

 Somewhere Only We Know - Maurene Goo

The Missing Season - Gillian French

To All the Boys I've Loved Before - Jenny Han
P.S. I Still Love You - Jenny Han

Dear Evan Hansen - Val Emmich, Steven Levenson, Benj Pasek, Justin Paul

 How many books did you read this year? Comment below!

-Hannah

Lots to Say

Hello friends,

 I've really dropped the ball on posting here lately, so apologies for that- it's been a mixture of laziness, being busy, and exhaustion. It's not really an excuse, but I don't like pushing myself to write blog posts, because then they all end up being depressing, haha

 If I'm being honestly, I've dug myself an emotional trench and laid down in it, and the more it's settled, the deeper it gets and the further I get pulled under. My anxiety is at an all time high. I've been hiding behind clothes and make up more than ever and pulling away from people I love just because I'm scared. I don't even know *what* I'm scared of- and that's where I'm struggling at.

 I've removed myself from some environments that were becoming toxic to my mental- and in lieu, physical- health which has been extremely cathartic and also terrifying. When your identity gets so caught up in one thing, you don't really know how to respond to things when you suddenly don't have it anymore.

 On top of struggling with my health (including what I believe may undiagnosed arthritis or something else along those lines- even sitting here typing this is miserable- but I digress,) both my eye doctor and family doctor close down at the end of the year, which is horrible because my mom & I have been going to that doctor for probably 11 years or so? I think she was going to her even before I did. And our eye doctor is the only eye doctor we've found who we've actually liked and takes our insurance, so that's lovely.

 We also just passed the 5th anniversary of my dad's passing which has been really, really, really tough. It's hard to believe it's been so long.

 Aside from emotional stuff, I've had quite a few pet sitting gigs which has been keeping me busy, plus drama club and dance class and other life stuff. I'm not home at all on Thursdays which is... a lot to handle, honestly. I feel extremely disconnected from everyone but I don't know how to reconnect; or truly, even if I want to do so.

 We've done some fun stuff lately, though, so it hasn't been all bad. We had our vacation in November; we went back to Disney World. It was stressful for various reasons, but overall we had a pretty enjoyable time!

 My family & I went to go see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra this month which was mind blowing. The musicians are all really talented and the show is so completely dramatic and overkill which is super entertaining.

 We also went to go see Frozen 2 a few days ago with our Grandma which was so fun. I hope to post a review of the movie soon. Also a bit ago, my family went to go see Spamilton, which is the parody musical of Hamilton. I haven't genuinely laughed so hard that much in soooooo long. It was hilarious & entertaining and the actors were mind blowingly talented. We had a blast.

 I also had a youth group Christmas party and auditioned a few things in our acting group and have gotten back into art making and just a bunch of different things.

 Really, life isn't all bad or all good. We're just kind of existing right now. Which is okay; but also not? I don't know how I'm feeling. I'm ready for the new year.

 How are you all doing? Leave a comment down below- let's chat!

-Hannah

An August Recap

Hey y'all,

 This post is kind of just a ~recap~ of how August went- sort of a journal entry in a way. August felt like it was taking forever to get through, but now that it's over, it feels like it barely even existed.

 I was going to share some photos, but I think a plain text post is a better idea right now- I'm not at home while I'm writing this so I don't have a great way to transfer photos.

 At the beginning of the month, I had a dog sitting gig, and Descendants 3 premiered. It might seem silly for an almost-adult to get so excited over a kid's movie... but dude, I was thriving. I like Disney Channel movies way too much, lol.

 Then on the 7th, my grandparents came over to our house to have a mini celebration for my mom's birthday (which was on the 8th). We gave her gifts and had cake and ice cream and stuff. It was a pretty fun night. Also this month, we celebrated both of my Grandparent's birthdays as well (and my grandma's was a landmark birthday- 70!).

 Fast forward a few days, and we went to go see Shrek the Musical. It was actually so good, and super funny. It was at La Comedia dinner theater so we had a fun meal and saw a fantastic show, it was a really fun experience and I loved it.

 We also had a Youth Arts Ambassadors meeting. Unfortunately, time wise and stuff, we couldn't end up doing it this year, but seeing what all they have planned for the year makes me excited about where the arts in our community are going.

 At one point I met up with my one of my dear friend's mom, and a friend of hers. I can't go into detail on here about everything without being a jerk by over sharing, but we had an impromptu concert of sorts and just... it was a really good evening. Very Holy Spirit filled and just ultra powerful.

 Around the middle of the month, my mom & I auditioned for a play called Jake's Women. Unfortunately, neither of us got parts, but it was still fun and gives more audition experience, at least.

 My siblings and I also had auditions for our homeschool acting group in mid-August. We're doing a Broadway/musical theatre revue in January and we're performing the full version of Godspell in May! We're really excited. Unfortunately, we can't be placed in parts for Godspell until January due to MTI rules and such, but that's okay. I'm excited to get things prepped for the Broadway show. We have our first rehearsal next week.

 I had my last practices at the dance studio, since it's closing down. It's very bittersweet- I'm excited for what all the companies have in store, but the studio has been, and is, a huge part of my life. I've also begun taking a class at my friend Sophia's dance studio, so we're going to be seeing each other almost all day every Thursday because we're both in acting too, so that's pretty cool. Plus youth group starts back up soon, which we both attend.

 We've spent a lot of time with my Grandma (my mom's mom) this month, going out to eat, going to King's Island, Ikea, those kinds of things. It's been fun just going out and doing random stuff.

 We went to go see the movie Ready Or Not at the end of the month, which was very interesting. I might be posting a review soon, I'm not sure yet, but we'll see. It was entertaining though and it was almost midnight so we had the entire theater to ourselves which was a blast.

 On Friday (the 30th) our Mom surprised us with a trip to Other World in Columbus, where I've been wanting to go since before they even opened, lol. I WILL be posting about that soon, because it was such a blast. I haven't smiled that much in a really long time, haha!

 How was everyone else's month? Did everyone have a good August? Drop a comment below and let me know!

Ciao,
Hannah

What's In My Purse?

Hello friends!

 I thought it would be fun to do a 'what's in my purse?' type post! Mostly because I'm running low on post ideas at the moment ;)

 My purse right now is this cute little turquoise-y (teal? I always get those two mixed up!) shoulder bag from Thirty-One. I've had it for like... a really long time, but it holds up super well and fits a decent amount of stuff. My only complaint is I have to tie the strap. I'm fairly short- and have a short torso to top it off- so if I don't knot it it's hitting right around my knee!

 One of the most important things in my purse is my keys- I *literally* can't go anywhere without them, haha! It's got my car keys and house key, as well as any keys from pet-sitting that I'm currently doing at any given time on it. I have them on a Stranger Things lanyard (what can I say? Steve Harrington is bae,) with one of those plastic sleeves.
 I also have a pointe shoe keychain that my friend Sophia gave me, a Project Dance keychain, and a little Eiffel tower keychain that my friend Celeste got for me in Paris.

 I have a ton of little miscellaneous things in my purse- my sunglasses, a little thing of bubbles, alien-shaped chapstick (the lip balm inside looks like a little pink brain!), some cherry slide lip balm, and my mini hairbrush/compact mirror.

 I also have this tiny Polly Pocket keychain, but I don't keep it on my keys because I had a different one that looked like a little music studio and it popped open and I lost all the pieces. I was really upset... so now I just keep this one in my purse pocket for safe keeping. It's a little fashion design studio, complete with a sewing machine, closet, sewing kit, mirror, and chair. It's really cute.

 The next thing in my purse is my planner. I lost my old one so my mom got me a new one (thanks, mom!) and I really like it, because it's small and handy. I also keep two pens in my purse that I use on the inside.

 Speaking of pens, I have this autograph book from Disney World that I actually use as a mini sketchbook/notebook, because it's cute and small. I have another autograph book that I hand-made that I actually use in Disney World. I also have my earbuds, which I still use the original case for because even though it's a pain to wrap, it's easier to keep them tangle-free.

 I have this tiny Vera Bradley pouch that I keep in my purse with band-aids, my little thing of lotion (it smells so. freaking. good.) and my hand sanitizer. Just in case :)

 And last but definitely not least, my wallet! My grandpa gave it to me and it works super well so I love it, but it's kind of falling apart... And I stuck a stick-on Halloween patch to the front, because why not, right? Haha!

 Thanks for reading and have a fantastic day, y'all!
 Ciao,
 Hannah

What I've Been Up To

Hey everyone!!

 It has been a g e s since I last posted- which is actually kind of a good thing, because I've been really busy, doing stuff that I (mostly) love. Life's been hectic and I haven't had much time or energy to just sit down and write a blog post.

 Forewarning: this is going to be a very picture-heavy post, so it might run somewhat slow on data or slow wifi systems.

 So, at the beginning of June, my siblings & I had our end-of-year dance concert. It was quite bittersweet- I've stuck with dance, but cut back a lot, and my siblings dropped it altogether, and things are changing with the company I dance with. It's a big year of change.

Opus- my favorite piece, like, ever. It holds a special place in my heart.
Obviously not my photo... seeing as I'm in it. :) haha

  Then, the day after our performance, we went and saw my dear friend Sophia in her dance recital, where she played Tinkerbell (they did a version of Peter Pan for their production). It was wonderful and I love seeing her dance.

 Also in June, we adopted a new kitten! We named her Glinda. Now we've got 5 cats- it's a bit of a madhouse around here, lots of meowing. From oldest to youngest, it's Sherbert, Briar, Mittens, Elphaba, and Glinda.

 In June we also had all 6 of our shows for Annie Jr. It went amazing and I'm so proud of all of the people involved. We sold out 4 of 6 shows! It's a small theatre, but still! Pretty darn cool. It went splendidly, even with a few injuries and insanities that happened.

I can't find the one of me, my siblings, and Soph, so here's one without Christian. (sorry, dude.)
Also peep those little kids taller than the adult cop. :P

The orphanage set-up! (I painted the two signs on the back wall. Took forever but totally worth it.)

 At the end of June, my sister, mom & I all went to go see Waitress the musical. I saw off-Broadway versions of Beauty & the Beast and The Lion King, but this was a whole other experience and I had a total blast. It's one of my favorite musicals, and I may or may not have sobbed through the entirety of She Used to Be Mine. #notsorry

 At the beginning of July, my family & I binged the entirety of Stranger Things in one sitting. No regrets... this season was amazing and well worth the hype!

 Also in July, I re-auditioned for dance. I wasn't going to, but something in me just knew I couldn't survive without it. So I prayed about it, and decided to just go for it. I'm a trainee with the adult company, Fueled and Aflame, this year.

 Then in mid-July/late-ish July, my siblings and I attended a 2-week acting camp where we put together an entire show in a week (the rest of the time was spent learning new techniques and stuff). I learned so much and had a blast getting to know every one. We all traded Instagrams and Snapchats and such to stay in contact.

 We did an original play called After Ever After that was written by our teacher, Kylee. She did a great job and we all had a blast with it. I had the only non-fairytale role in the show as Alex the crowd-manager. My siblings played Jack and Jill, respectively. It was a total blast and, if I do say so myself, really good for being put together in such a short time.

Beth goofing off in her Jill costume on stage.

My siblings & I.

My siblings & I with Sophia.
(I should add that Soph wasn't in the show- she came to see it and support us, because that's just the amazing person she is)

  Also in this time, my family went to go see The Lion King. In my opinion, it was beautifully done, had an excellent cast, and was just all around a really good movie. Not one of my favorite Disney movies, per say, but definitely at the top of my list for ones that seriously impressed me.

My siblings & I also screwed around in the arcade, where I won that rubber duck, and in the photo booth.

 Christian also turned 13 on the 26th of July! No more kiddos in the house- we're all *nervously* approaching adulthood.

 The last two photos are from a cool coffee shop that's here locally... we went with our mom to the homeschool assessment that we have to do every year, and I got an Italian soda float with creme de menthe syrup and like- YUM. I also got my mom chocolate-strawberry blooming tea.

 At the very tail end of July, my family went on a mini-trip which I'll share a full post about later. For now, I'm off to go watch Descendents 3 and cuddle with some dogs! I'll see y'all around.

Until next time,
Hannah

Post-Grad Grumblings

Hello y'all,

 This post is a heavily-vent-y post, because I've been very frustrated and, truth be told, hurt, lately. I'm giving a small language warning for this post. If you don't like it- please just go past this post. Now, moving on. It's graduation season again, and that means I've been out of high school for a year.

 Like, what??? How did that happen?

 The frustration comes in when I see everyone celebrating my friends and family members who are almost graduated from high school/just graduated. I worked my ass off for years, through living hell as I experienced lots of trauma and depressive episodes, and managed to graduate 2 years early. I'm already in college, if I start doing a full course load I could graduate in 4ish semesters with my associate's degree.

 And yet I got none of the recognition that came from it. I invited a ton of people to my graduation party and I had 3 of my close friends show up, as well as a few of my mom's friends, but we shared a graduation party because she graduated with her bachelor's at that point.

 Which, I love my mom, and I know she'll read this, and it's something we've talked about before. But I do regret this. Since I didn't have a graduation ceremony, the one celebration I had, I had to share. And I'm proud and happy that she graduated, but it also left me with a feeling of not being good enough because here I am, excited about HS graduation, and she just graduated with her bachelor's from college. But that's not really the main issue, it's just the lack of people who've really seemed happy for me.

 I appreciate my friends who came, don't get me wrong. Those three girls coming made me so happy- but it doesn't change the fact that pretty much none of my family showed up. Other friends, mentors, and people in my life couldn't take half an hour to just stop by. That's all I wanted.

 I know you should do things for yourself, but it hurts when it feels like no one genuinely cares, about something other people have a big deal made out of. Half of my family doesn't even realize I graduated- and no one has bothered to care anyway, because I was homeschooled, so obviously I'm not truly educated. I didn't have a graduation ceremony and since barely anyone showed up to my party, it sends a pretty big vibe of 'screw you'.

 I've always tried to prove people wrong, show them that I'm smart, but the truth is? I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired of it. When no one cares enough to ask how school is going, or see how I'm doing, I just don't care.

 I. Just. Don't. Care. Anymore.

 Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for my friends and family who are graduating, truly. I'm so proud of them, whether it's college or HS. It's a big deal and I'm so glad and excited to see where God is going to open doors for you next.

 I just wish people cared enough about what He was opening up for me.

 And I do appreciate what people did do for me; those who cared enough to show up, or wish me congratulations, and my church at the time for including me in the grad recognition ceremony. I love them/you all and I can't thank you enough.

 But I also really wish that the other people in my life, the ones who are supposed to care about me and my accomplishments, actually did. I wish I'd been able to have a ceremony. I wish I didn't feel sick when I look at my diploma. But most of all? I wish I could stop being so upset about it all.

 Ciao,
Hannah

Identity Crisis

Hello,

 I've talked a lot on here lately about stepping out of my comfort zone; and that hasn't changed. I've been really thrown for a loop lately with a lot of things, but I mean it's good, it's changing me for the better.

 Something though, that is going to be a huge change, is that I'm not really calling myself a dancer anymore. I still love dance; it's been a huge part of my life and has helped me grow so much as a person through it. I can't guarantee I'd be here to type this today if I hadn't had dance to help me through my really bad mental health as a child/young teen.

 But the thing is... I need a break. I'm tired and I'm realizing that's not where I need to be anymore; I need to re-prioritize things and figure out where I stand with dance, and re-remember why I dance. And that's going to take time. But all good things take time, you know? It's like that saying, Rome wasn't built in a day or however it goes.

 And through this, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am absolutely terrified. Dance has been such a huge part of my identity for so long, and all of a sudden, it's just a part of me that isn't a part of my day-to-day life anymore. It's not something I have to hold at the forefront of my mind.

 I'm struggling in some ways, because I'm just changing a lot. I'm trying to put my identity in Christ instead of in the world. And sometimes it goes really well... and sometimes, it goes really bad. But I know that the one constant I have, whether I'm doing good or not, is that God never stops loving me. Which is good, because we humans mess up ~a lot~.

 My interests are just changing, and my personality is changing, and my perception of the world is changing, and my relationships are changing. Everyone is getting older. Out of my 5 best friends, I am officially the youngest- and I'm 17 (and a 1/4).

 I'm having an identity crisis, I guess you could say. I'm not this anxious, people-pleasing little girl who always wears bracelets and hats as some weird sort of protection from the world anymore. I'm not a teenager who thinks she knows everything and hates people. I'm not this girl who spends all her time feeding into outward activities anymore.

 I don't really know who I am anymore. But God does. And that's good enough for me.

Ciao,
Hannah

A Celebration of Friendship

Hello everyone,

 This is a post to celebrate the people in my life who have never left my side. I love you all so, so, so much, and I can't imagine my life without you.

 To Alexis, you are one of my truest friends. You are open about what you have been through and constantly strive to help others. I love talking with you about life, and one of the greatest nights of my life was going to prom with you. I owe you so much, and can't thank you enough for sticking by my side. I love you so much and I want you to know that you deserve the world.

 To Sophia, you have a beautiful, loving heart of gold. You know just how to make people laugh and are unashamedly yourself, which is amazing. I love you so much. You are going through so much and never let the smile drop from your face. Just remember to breathe, and stay true to yourself. You have a beautiful purpose and a beautiful soul.

 To Emily, I have not known you very long, but the time I have had with you has been beautiful. You are the one of the sweetest people I know and you're crazy talented. You always know how to make me re-focus on God's plan, not my own, and you have such wise words at such a young age. I love you so very much, my dear.

 To Sarah D., I cringe when I think of our earlier interactions; I was strange and clingy, yet you dealt with me anyway. I never thought one day you'd be one of my best friends, but I'm so, so, so glad you are. You are so tough but there is beauty in vulnerability and I can see you growing in both directions, which is so wonderful. I love you, and I respect you, and I can see God helping you through all you have gone through.

 To Alexandra, we don't talk nearly as much as I would like, but I'm terrible with conversation. Nonetheless, you are such an amazing young woman and you constantly astound me with your wisdom and passion for the underdogs. You are going amazing places, and I love you.

 To Sarah H, you are one of my biggest creative inspirations and despite all your hardships, you pull through every single time. I don't know what to say, except that I'm proud of you. I'm so, so, so, very proud, and I love you very much.

 To Chelle, you may be an adult, and my dance teacher, but I also wish to call you my friend. You are one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You are so understanding and strive to help everyone be their best. You are a wonderful teacher, wonderful mother, and wonderful friend.

 To Joy, I've loved seeing you grow and change and become this intelligent, strong, beautiful young woman. We've danced together for years now, and every time I see you, your talent blows me away. You are so very wonderful, and so very loved.

 This can't even begin to describe each and every single one of my friends. I love you all so, so, so, so, so, so, SO MUCH. My heart is bursting from the joy I hold from calling each and every one of you my friend, even if I didn't have enough room to mention you here.

 You are the best, and you deserve the best.

Ciao,
Hannah

Friday Faves :: 3/29/19

Hey y'all!

 I have done one of these posts in ages, or posted in general in ages, so I thought this would be a good post for today! These are my favorite things here from the past week/month or so. :)

 I have other posts in my drafts, but my thoughts have been a bit jumbled lately, so I wouldn't expect any well-formulated, if any at all, posts here anytime soon. So sorry!

 Now, onwards to the post!

MUSIC
Artist: Billie Eilish
Song: Harmony Hall by Vampire Weekend & Bury A Friend by Billie Eilish
Album: Trench by twenty one pilots

FASHION
Brand: Rue 21 & Torrid
Article of Clothing: My blue beanie (I've decided to start wearing a head covering- that post is coming soon- and it saves me a lot of time and still looks good).
Trend:Scrunchies w/ matching sweaters.

FOOD
Fruit/vegetable: Snap peas
Sweets: Caramel iced coffee from McDonald's
Meal: Vegetable Lo Mein

FITNESS
Song to move to: Feel Good Inc. by the Gorillaz
Favorite exercise: Wall planks/push ups
Favorite stretch: Upwards back stretch

ENTERTAINMENT
TV Show: Loving Lyfe (not technically a tv show, but close enough- go check out JK! Studios on YouTube.)
Movie: HTTYD: The Hidden World & Dark Web: Unfriended
Book: don't have one right now

BEAUTY
Make up: Clear Lipgloss from Fluide
Perfume: Revert Festival from Rue 21
Trend: single-color eyeshadow

QUOTE
“i am a museum full of art
but you had your eyes shut”
-Rupi Kuar

Thinking & Grieving

Hello guys,

 Today hasn't been a bad day. It's been the opposite, actually. We just adopted a new kitty (named Mittens, who is super cute), saw some friends and my grandparents, I got a birthday card from some friends of mine that made me smile, ate good food... all in all, it really has been a good day.

 But it's also March 9th.

 49 years ago today, my Dad was born, but he's not here to celebrate with us.

 I can't stop thinking. It's like my brain is suddenly rocketing full-throttle into oblivion without a cause or reason. I think I'm good, I think I'm over the grieving process, and then it starts all over again. Some days it's so bad I feel like throwing up, other days I don't think about my Dad at all.

 Then, my brother & I were just watching tv, and there's this show we watch on the Disney channel called Coop & Cami Ask the World. It's not a great show, and it's not educational or truly beneficial in any way, but I get it. The Wrather kids- Coop, Cami, and their two siblings- lost their dad, and are still working through the grieving process, which is apparent in some of the episodes.

 In the episode we're on, Cami had an angry/upset breakdown over directed at their mom's boyfriend. This isn't something specifically that I relate to, because my mom isn't currently dating, but it's still there in the back of my mind that it's a possibility at some point.

 But the point is, is that I understand everything feeling okay, until all of a sudden there's all these reminders about this person from someone else, this person you'll never get to see again, and it all comes flooding back too quickly to process through.

 The tears make the words get stuck in your throat and your vision goes dark and all you can feel is how angry you are. How sad you are. How tired you are.

 I'm so tired. Tired of grieving. Tired of missing him. Tired of him missing things. Tired of not being able to control it. Tired of being angry. Just... tired. Exhausted, even. Physically and mentally... there has not been a day since Dad died that I have not been tired. It's like, no matter how happy I am, no matter what I'm doing, no matter what about anything, I cannot stop being tired.

 There's not much of a point to this, except to say I'm tired and I miss my Dad. I miss his terrible jokes and ugly Hawaiian-print shirts. I miss his dorky smile and stories from work, I miss sharing new music with him, I miss late-night trips to the dollar store as a family.

 Things weren't perfect then, things aren't perfect now, and things may be better, but I still really, really miss him.

Signing off,
Hannah

My Top Ten Favorite Movies

Hey guys!

 Hannah here, with a fun post today. I'm going to sharing my top ten all-time favorite movies right now! Drop a comment down below and tell me what your favorite movie is when you're done reading, I'd love to know!

 Please keep in mind these are numbered, but are technically not in any particular order as far as preference goes. Now, without further ado...

10) Scooby Doo [2002]

No matter how horrible and cheesy this movie is, I never get tired of watching it. I laugh at the jokes every single time, despite having heard them over... and over... and over... I grew up watching this film, and I've loved it ever since.

9) Wonder Woman
My dear friend Alexis took me to see the movie when it came out, and I've been obsessed ever since. Seeing Wonder Woman on screen filled me with a sense of excitement and pride that made every since that much more an intense, during an already intense movie! I'm so excited that little girls are going to grow up seeing this kick-butt woman in a newer film with such beautiful cinematography, casting, and costuming.

8) Jurassic Park
Who would I be if I didn't include Jurassic Park on this list? It's a classic! It has action! Dinosaurs! Jeff Goldblum! I'm just kidding, but seriously, it's one of my favorite movies ever and another one I've just grown up watching my entire life.

7) Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
This movie may not be a favorite in the general consensus of viewers, but it's one of my favorites in all the 'Jurassic' movies. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time (both times I've seen it so far) and the dynamic of Claire-Owen-Maisie makes me really, really happy.

6) Alice Through the Looking Glass
I really enjoy Tim Burton movies, and this one takes the cake. Alice in Wonderland is pretty much my favorite book in the entire world, and this movie just blew my mind. I enjoy the first movie too, but this one just had something that really captured my heart.

5) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
I love the Indiana Jones movies so much, and Temple of Doom is my favorite of them all (I really enjoy Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, too, though). Short Round and Indy's interactions are great and I just really like the overall plot, plus it's pretty action-packed without being overwhelming.

4) Monsters Inc.
I love Disney so much, and Monsters Inc. is one of the greatest movies Disney-Pixar has ever put out (in my opinion). Mike and Sully are so lovable and Boo is so precious, if anyone dislikes this movie, then they're crazy! (Well, not really. But still.)

3) The My Little Pony Movie

A while after this movie first came out, I took a little girl I'm friends with to go see it for her birthday, and I've loved it ever since. I love My Little Pony anyway, but watching her face while she watched it just filled me with so much joy, so now I connect that with it every single time I watch it. Plus, the soundtrack? 100/10.

2) Bird Box
I know, I know. It's cheesy and way more popular than it should be, but it's a really entertaining, terrifying movie and I really enjoyed it, despite the hype.

1) Jumanji
Robin Williams was such a great actor, which already gives this movie a boost, plus it's just all around an amazing, entertaining film that is just really nice to sit and watch, especially for a family movie night, or when you're sick or something.

 Do you like any of these movies? Why or why not? Drop a comment and I'll reply, like always! I love you all and I'll talk to you soon.

 Ciao!
 Hannah

2018 Reading List

Hello guys!

 Since 2018 is over, I'm sharing my 2018 reading list here, and turning my blog page into something else, maybe even a reading list for this year. I hardly read anything... it actually makes me kind of sad.

2018 Reading List 

Books in italics are still being read and books that are underlined were only read partway through. Books in bold are re-reads and books with an asterisk (*) are favorites.

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Little Monsters* - Kara Thomas

There's Someone Inside Your House - Stephanie Perkins

Star and Marco's Guide to Mastering Every Dimension* - various authors
 The Book of Mythicality - Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal

How To Set a Fire, And Why - Jesse Ball

The Lost Girls of Camp Forevermore - Kim Fu
Gravity Falls: Lost Legends* - Alex Hirsch
Dumplin' - Julie Murphy
Notes From My Captivity* - Kathy Parks
Alice in Wonderland* - Lewis Carroll
---

 How many books have you read this year?

Ciao,

Hannah

Lost In My Own Appearance

Hello everyone,

 Writing this post was really a struggle. Trying to be vulnerable is hard. I've been becoming increasingly better at it, but it sometimes borders on whining when I'm with certain people, or I become closed off all together with other people.

 Almost everyday (except when I stay home all day) for the past 2 or 3 years, I've worn make up in some way, shape, or form. I actually don't usually wear foundation or concealer, but otherwise, my face is caked in highlighters and brow fillers and eyeliner. What started out as a way to gain a sense of independence and an art form turned into something that became a chore.
 Then, one day a few weeks ago, I was sick. I looked in the mirror, and realizing I had to leave the house but didn't feel like doing my make up, I just didn't do it. And it was freeing.
 I didn't realize it, but I've become so dependent on make up that I forgot what it was like to leave the house without wearing any. I've always been concerned with my eyes looking big and bright, with my eyebrows being full and perfectly shaped, that I forgot to just learn how to comfortable in my own skin.

 Looking in the mirror and finally seeing someone who is confident without her eyebrows done up and eyelashes dark and full, is an amazing feeling. I'm tearing up just writing about it- I'm learning to stop apologizing for not wearing make up, learning to just be unashamedly me.
 These things take time, but it's worth it. Finding this confidence is so helpful because it feeds into other aspects of my life. Here recently, my siblings, one of my best friends, and I tried out for the play Annie at a new acting group. I sang a solo at the audition- and it was optional to do so. I would have never had the courage to do that a few months ago, even a few weeks ago.

 I can't say with total assurance that not wearing make up all the time is the only reason my confidence has grown, but I know without a doubt it has played a big part in it. I got together with one of my other friends the other day without a stitch of make up on my face. I had literally never done that before (except for when I was, like, 6) and although it was strange, it made me happy.
 Sometimes letting go of the things that we think are a life saver makes us realize we can swim just fine. Being lost in my own appearance made me lose sight of the things that truly matter- my friends and my family- and forced me to get up way earlier than I needed to just in order to get ready for the day.

 I'm not sworn off make up. It's an amazing art form and I still love the look of my eyebrows when I fill them in. Eyeliner is a ton of fun and lipstick is the coolest thing ever. However, I am sworn off letting it control my life.

 I love myself, make up or no make up.

Ciao,
Hannah

Child, Teen, Adult; Rinse & Repeat.

 Life is just nuts right now. There's no other way to put it; some days, I just feel like I'm losing my mind. That's not to say that things are bad per say, but I don't feel like I have a good grip on life right now, and my relationships, physical + mental health, and most importantly my faith are experiencing struggles right now because of it.

 Lots of things, that aren't actually all that sudden, feel like they are happening suddenly and very rapidly. I am nearly done with everything I need to get my driver's license- just complete a few more hours and then I need to pass my driver's test. My graduation 'party' is this weekend.
 My mom has officially been working outside the home for over 2 weeks now. Dance has started back in full swing (and my body is not loving me for it). I start my English 1111 class at our community college in October, and I have 2 sort-of "part time jobs" plus a babysitting gig once in awhile.

 My sister turns 14 this month, my mom turned 40 last month, my brother is less than a year to teen-hood, and realization is sinking in that I'm closer to being a legal adult than I am to being a child. It's... slightly terrifying, to be frank.

 I don't exactly miss childhood, necessarily, just miss the naivety and such, I guess; it's like, I wanted so badly to be an adult when I was younger, and then for 2-3 years, my siblings & I had a lot of growing up in a really short time span and now I wish I could be growing up at a normal pace. I feel like there's all of these really childish things that are very grounding to me. Stuffed animals, hair bows, chocolate milk, things like that all help calm me down.

 It's like I have these things that kind of got lost to younger me, that are odd for a 16 year old to like or enjoy, and then some things I do make people think I'm an "old soul" or wise beyond my years or whatever stuff adults spout off to teens who are somewhat mature. I feel like I'm wedged between two different lives, two different times, and I'm neither one of them, yet I am also both.

 I don't have much of a reason for this post, other than to vent, and I know it's rather short but that's really all I had to say, so this is Hannah, signing off 'til next time.

 I love you guys. Ciao for now.
 -Hannah

My Creative Process

Hello, you lovely people!

 I haven't written a blog post in *so long* and I feel really bad about it, but life has just been all kinds of intense here in the past few weeks (months, to be quite frank with you all).
 Moving on, I've decided to talk to you all a bit about my creative process.

 For me, a creative process has to start with inspiration. I find my inspiration in many areas of my life; dancing is a place I find a lot of inspiration for my art, and vice versa. Depending on what I need my process for, is how I decide where to find my inspiration;  music, books, and television are major sources of inspiration for me. Seeing other creative people being creative helps me a lot.

 The second thing I need in my process of creativity is the space to be creative. Whether it's sitting down to write blog posts, writing a song, choreographing a dance, or doing an art piece, I need some space. Other people tend to suffocate my creativity (this isn't me being rude- I am just more introverted) and I like having room to move.

 The third thing is is my surroundings; I have this weird idea that if a room is not 100% surrounded with furniture/stuff/paintings then it's not 'correct' or something- it's very weird, but the fact of the matter is, I like to have stuff surrounding a room on all 4 sides (that's why I'm such a pack rat). I also like to have blankets for drawing, a clean, swept floor for dancing, and lots of table space for writing.

 The fourth thing is sound. I am extremely sensitive to noise. My ears physically hurt if I hear a noise that is too loud or scratchy or squeal-y (I hate styrofoam with a burning passion because of this). I have a lot of music that inspires me; so I usually have headphones on, or if I'm home alone, blasting through my speakers or from the TV.
 Music is really powerful to me and affects my mood strongly, so having something that inspires me really decides whether or not I will finish my project, or not.

 The fifth thing is stress. If I'm stressed out or extremely anxious, I will shut down. I find most of my creativity comes to me late at night when I'm sleepy or when I'm in an afternoon sleep-craving period because it's when I'm most relaxed and calm. Deadlines to get things done also cause me to procrastinate until it's nearly too late, even if it's something I love doing.

 The sixth thing is to just do it. Sometimes, even if nothing else is writing, just closing my eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath, and focusing is enough to get my creative juices flowing. There's only so much you can do sometimes, and you just need to get it done. I've created some of my best projects this way.

 What's your creative process? I'd love to know. Drop a comment down below! I love you all!

Ciao,
Hannah

Life Here Lately

Hello lovelies,

 Life is so crazy... yikes. I'm not really sure where to begin talking, honestly; so I guess I'll start with apologizing for not posting much lately. I've had that Barbie post saved in my drafts for who-knows-how-long and I just haven't had the energy to post here lately.

 It has been so hot here where I live. 80's is on the low end of things currently, and I- my whole family, actually- don't do well in heat, so it's been pretty frustrating. However, between my mom, brother, and some hired hands, our yard work that needed done is pretty much done, we just need to do some more weeding and stuff, so that's a plus. Yesterday and today were fairly cool (70's/80's) so it was pleasant-ish.

 Independence Day has passed, of course, which is cool, I suppose. I'm not really the most patriotic person, just ask anyone... haha
 But it was a pretty good day, honestly. Kind of hectic towards the end, but that's just the way life is for us. On July 3rd, we sat in our driveway and watched the local fireworks (one of the perks of living in a small town), did some sparklers, that kind of thing.
 On that same day, I went to the store and got some birthday shopping done for my brother (he'll be 12 on July 26th) and I also got some clothes at Rue 21. I got my sister a cute green sweater for her Pidge from Voltron cosplay, and I got a cute black bodysuit and a cold-shoulder blue sweater. I got all of those clothes for $11.00 total- Rue 21's clearance is beautiful. I also got some bubble gum... I love bubble gum.

 Back to July 4th- we visited our grandparents for a while, which was nice, and then went to 2 local craft stores. My mom got me a Wonder Woman planner and I'm kind of in love with it. I can keep track of everything now; I feel like I'm mad with power! (Just kidding, of course,)
 We were also watching some friend's dogs for a while, so I spent some time at their house with them on July 5th. They're two huge chocolate labs and they're just big babies. I'm not really a big dog person, but I loved those two sweethearts.

 Right now, I'm kind of just zipping through life in a sense. There's a lot of exciting things on the horizon and I'm having trouble just slowing down and enjoying the little things. Speaking of little things, my dog is adorable, just so you know- lol.
 Anyways, I finally finished working on "I Feel", which is my first full collection of poetry and art, yadda yadda. There's just some legal stuff I have to figure out, so that's looking like that publishing date will be very near!

 On July 6th, we (all 3 of us kids!!!) had dentist appointments, and then my siblings and I's friend O came over and spent the night. We ate way too much ice cream and chilled out with ice cream sandwiches, so that was fun.
 On a bad note, I have cavities. :(

 And then on July 7th, my family went through all of our books and took a bunch to Half-Price Books. We originally went to 2nd & Charles, but that was... crazy, to say the least. We got Starbucks (yay for gift cards!) and Chick-Fil-A, so that was nice, and we stopped in a pet store to look at cute little critters.
 My mom got my brother some Rainbow Loom bands at HPB, she got my sister a book on conspiracy theories (which I'll be borrowing at some point!), and she got me a map of cryptid/ufo/etc sightings and such in Ohio, WV, and Kentucky. I'm super siked about that.

 Today, my sister & I's dear friends A & O (different then our other friend O) came over which was a lot of fun. We played Apples to Apples, took selfies, and laughed (like, a lot). I haven't laughed so hard or so long in quite a while, so it felt good just to let loose and act like dorks for awhile, especially because I haven't seen my friends much lately.

 As far as the next week goes, here's what is in store...
 My friend J just graduated, so I'm going to try to make it to her grad party on Saturday; I haven't seen her in a while so it'll be nice to see her again.
 I'm going to try to heavily work on school this week; I'm so ready to be done with high school, you don't even know!
 I'm going to try to get some more blogging done, as well as some art.

 I hope to have some blog posts coming up about numerous things, including wanting to live in a tiny house & taking a much-needed break from most social media.
 I'll talk to you guys soon, so stay beautiful- you're all amazing!

Ciao!
Hannah

Looking Forward to Autumn

Hello lovelies!

 Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love the cool air, and the crisp orange leaves that scatter on the ground, creating a beautiful red carpet for fall pixies to walk.
 Okay, so that's a fantasy, but a beautiful one, you must admit. I just love that time of year. I enjoy Summer too, and I also like Spring and Winter just okay, but there's something about Fall that just makes me really happy. I like being able to wear sweaters or t-shirts, I like being able to listen to my Autumn-themed playlists and just sit outside without sweating to death.

 There's a lot of really exciting things to look forward to this Autumn and I thought I'd share some of them with you all! I just can't wait!

• Becoming a licensed driver! - I'll get my license either in September or October and I'm really excited to have that freedom.
• Halloween! - Halloween, with the exception of my birthday, is my absolute favorite day of the year. I love all things spooky, strange, and Autumn-like, so it's just perfect. Plus, you get to dress up and eat candy! Who wouldn't like that?
• Fall party! - My siblings and I are going to throw a Halloween/costume/harvest/Fall/mystery party. We haven't worked out the details yet, but I'm super excited nonetheless.
• My sister's birthday! - My little sister Beth will be 14 this year! It's so weird but I'm really happy for her and excited to celebrate with her in...
• DISNEY WORLD! - We're going to Disney World in September, and we'll be doing Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party and celebrating Beth's birthday while we're there! And I'll also be meeting a sweet friend of mine who will be vacationing in Florida at the same time we're there!
• Movies! - There's a lot of great movies coming out, like Wreck-It Ralph 2! I'm really excited.
• Getting back to dance! - I love the start of a dance year! There's just always something so thrilling about new people, new classes, and new dances!
• GRADUATING! - I'm almost done with high school and couldn't be happier!
• College and job searching - I'll also be starting at our local community college, and I'm going to start planning for my future & finding a job.

What's your favorite part of Autumn? I'd love to know!

Ciao!
Hannah

Life of a Teenager

Hello lovelies,

 Today I'm going to talk a little bit about the life of a teenager; the side title could also be, "life according to the viewpoint of Hannah Bailey, a teenage girl."
  Basically, when I was younger I had this grand vision of what teenager-hood would be like, based on books, movies, and television. It would be so much fun; there'd be wild parties, I'd go to stores and act like a dork with my friends, and I'd hang out at the mall every weekend.
 It seemed simple, exciting, and perhaps luxurious.

 But it's most definitely not like that. At least, not for me, and not for my most of my friends. Social anxiety, a bad economy, and distrusting adults take up most of my time. Instead, I sit here, downing a cup of off-brand soda and writing a blog post that no one will read.
 It's not bad, necessarily. I mean, it's good to be level-headed, mature, and responsible. But sometimes I just want to have fun and I feel like I have to always be those 3 things; most of my teenage years this far have been complaining about my bad joints, drawing useless fan-art, and filling out applications for jobs that no one wants to give me.

 It's like, I'm trying really hard to be a good kid, a good person, and above all, a good Christian, but sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm trying to be open to God, and listen to what He's saying, but I'm not going to lie- I've been struggling with my faith lately.
 It's not at all that I don't believe in God, it's quite the opposite, actually. I believe in God so strongly but it feels like I'm not hearing His voice lately and I feel a little bit lost, as if I don't know where to go, or what I'm supposed to do with my life.

 And that brings me to my next thing; I'm getting ready to graduate. And I am really, really excited because I'm so, so, so close to being done with all of this (I can only learn about flora/fauna & Napoleon for so long).
 But a bunch of my friends have graduated her recently and it's really weird, because it's like... we're all getting older. We're growing up. Things are changing and shifting really fast and nothing is the same anymore. It's such a peculiar experience, in all honesty, and you don't have a choice- life is going to just keep going on & on.
 And with graduating, I'm going to start at our local community college in the Fall, and I'm trying to find a job. It's so weird to suddenly have all of these adult responsibilities and not even have my driver's license yet (which is not too far off- I'm almost done with driver's ed!).

 I guess all I'm saying with this post is that everything is weird and slightly awkward when you're a teenager. Happiness is such a hard thing to comprehend and achieve, let alone pure contentment. All of the things that seemed so exciting and easy as a little kid is suddenly way different and either nonexistent or really hard.
 Most of my friends are too busy to hang out anymore and the things I used to love just aren't exciting anymore. Everything kind of feels like a chore and I'm always tired. When you're young, you want to be older. You can't wait until you're old enough to make & manage money, do stuff with friends, and just be super independent.
 Now, I just want to be 7 again. When nothing was confusing, and weird, and hard. I wasn't stressed out and lonely and a little bit scared of the future.

 Right now, I'm just praying and trying to find my way in this crazy game of life; just taking things in stride, one step at a time. Life can be hard sometimes, but you just have to be positive. Being a teenager is an awkward, sweaty, and sometimes awful experience, but it can also be really nice. It gives you time to prepare for the world of full-adulthood and you learn who your true friends are. It's a true learning experience.
 And that's just the life of a teenager.

Ciao,
Hannah

My Favorite Musical Songs

Hello lovelies!

 I thought something that would be really fun to make a post about would be to share my all-time favorite songs from musicals! Whether they're Broadway musicals, made-for-tv musicals, movie musicals, whatever. Hope you enjoy the post!

1. Apex Predator
   Mean Girls the Musical
   I don't know why I love this song so much. It's not especially clever or haunting or anything, but something about it just draws me and won't let go.
2. On My Own
   Les MiserablesLes Mis is one of the few musicals I liked when I was younger, and though I'm honestly not the most into the plot, the music from it is AMAZING and I really love Eponine.
3.  Aaron Burr, Sir
   HamiltonI know it's a bit overhyped, but I really like Hamilton, and Aaron Burr, Sir is the first song I heard from it, and I just instantly loved it.
4. Michael in the Bathroom
   Be More ChillOkay, so, the lyrics in this song are REALLY not appropriate so I always find clean versions when I listen to it, but overall I really enjoy this song.
5. First Burn
   HamiltonI know it's not the final version of the song so it's not technically from a musical but I like this version better than the final one, and this ones gives me chills. I just adore it.
6. Space Between
   Descendants 2I know what you're thinking, but I said I'm including anything considered a musical- even if it's cheesy. Space Between is just a really special song to me, and it's honestly really beautiful.
7. Once Upon a December
   AnastasiaIf you say you don't like this song... well, you're lying. No, I'm kidding. But seriously, this is such a beautiful, haunting song and I love it.
8. Monster
   Frozen: The MusicalThis song... just... wow. 
   
9. Open Up Your Eyes
   My Little Pony: the MovieLiterally the best song in the movie, in my opinion. It's just this ear-catching, emotional, strong song that just wows me.
    
10.  Rewrite the Stars
    The Greatest ShowmanI haven't even seen this movie yet, and the soundtrack just makes me so emotional! I love most of the soundtrack, but this is one of those songs that just stands out immediately.
    
    - Honorary Mentions -
    You Will Be Found, Dear Evan Hansen - Come Alive, The Greatest Showman - On My Own - Teen Beach Movie 2 - Revenge Party, Mean Girls the Musical - Evil Like Me, Descendants - This is Me, The Greatest Showman - If Only, Descendants - Mother Knows Best, Tangled - Tightrope, The Greatest Showman - The Day I Got Expelled, The Lightning Thief Musical - Cruisin' for a Bruisin', Teen Beach Movie
    

 What are your favorite songs from musicals? Tell me in the comments, I'd love to know what you guys listen to! :)

Ciao!
Hannah

Confession... I Have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

Hello lovelies,

 We've got a pretty serious post today, sorry. I'm in a pretty serious mood right now, and this is something I've been considering talking about for a while now.
 Anyway, we may as well start right into what this post is centered around, so here we go.

 I deal with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

 And I'm not going to lie... it really sucks.
 For those of you who don't know what PCOS is, it is something that only affects females, and this post is going to be very TMI-based and, perhaps, very gross and very uncomfortable (like I said, I'm not going to lie). If this bothers you, you might want to skip this post in its entirety.

"Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a set of symptoms due to elevated androgens (male hormones) in females." source

 I was officially diagnosed earlier this year, but I've been dealing with it for many years, based on my symptoms. Some of the symptoms of PCOS include irregular to no periods, excess body/facial hair, heavy periods, pain in the pelvic area, acne, difficulty becoming pregnant/infertility, and dark patches of skin.
 Some of the associated diseases include type 2 diabetes, obesity, mood disorders, heart disease, sleep apnea, and even cancer. Of course, every case is different, but no matter what it's like, it is never fun.

 I have always dealt with extremely irregular, painful periods. As of right now, I've been dealing with PMS symptoms for 2ish weeks, but I have not had a period since April. Towards the end of last year/beginning of this year, I had a period that lasted for nearly a month and a half. My whole body's female cycle has been completely thrown off balance.

 I deal with some of the other symptoms, too. Body hair, pain, acne, obesity, and some other stuff, too. Not only does it cause my physical appearance to suffer, it also affects the way I feel. Sometimes the periods are so bad I have to miss stuff I really want to do because I'm stuck in bed, waiting until I can take my next dose of ibuprofen.
 And sometimes, because things are so irregular, even when I try to track my periods, sometimes they start at really bad times and I won't have any feminine hygiene products readily available, or I'll be in public, or getting ready to go swimming or something and then my whole day just gets messed up over it.

 There are things to help with PCOS, like eating healthier/dieting, exercising, or even taking medicine, which is fantastic. However, from what I understand about this, there is no known cure or fix-all, you can only help alleviate your symptoms.

 I'm going to admit something else that I don't like to tell a lot of people, partly due to feeling like they may view me differently. I have been on birth control twice. The first pill I took made me feel really bad (that was a long while back) so I went off of it slowly.
 The second pill I was on, just after being diagnosed, worsened my depression and caused some thoughts to come back that I haven't even touched in at least a year- I dropped it immediately and felt better within a week.
 It's a rough place to be in, because it really does help regulate your periods/hormones some, and some meds can help improve the other symptoms over time, too, but sometimes your mental health just has to win out, the way it did in my case.

 Having this diagnosis has really helped me a lot. It's helped me to understand other women with PCOS better. It's helped me learn how to take these symptoms and make them somewhat better, through eating better and exercising more (which I love anyway). It's made me realize that the way I feel isn't all in my head, and I don't feel like a freak the way I did when I was a little kid. I've become more assertive about what I need.

 Once when I was younger (I think I was 10 or 11), I was out with two particular family members. I had recently started my cycle, but I thought I would be okay to go on this outing. Well, when we got to a restaurant for lunch, I had a breakdown in the bathroom and had to call my parents to come get me.
 The particular family members I was with were not happy at all with me and I felt horrible about it. Despite reassurance from my mom (and even my dad) that it was okay, that I was okay, that the whole thing was okay, I thought I had done something wrong by not pushing through the pain.
 I don't think one of those family members ever fully let it go, but now knowing why I have such wonky periods and the pain and everything from it has made me realize that it's not my fault. I can't control how other people respond to me, but I can make sure that I'm doing what's best for my body.

 So long story short is that you're not alone. There are many of us going through PCOS and we have to stand united. I know it stinks, I know it's rough, but I understand, and I am here for all of you.

Ciao,
Hannah