Lost In My Own Appearance

Hello everyone,

 Writing this post was really a struggle. Trying to be vulnerable is hard. I've been becoming increasingly better at it, but it sometimes borders on whining when I'm with certain people, or I become closed off all together with other people.

 Almost everyday (except when I stay home all day) for the past 2 or 3 years, I've worn make up in some way, shape, or form. I actually don't usually wear foundation or concealer, but otherwise, my face is caked in highlighters and brow fillers and eyeliner. What started out as a way to gain a sense of independence and an art form turned into something that became a chore.
 Then, one day a few weeks ago, I was sick. I looked in the mirror, and realizing I had to leave the house but didn't feel like doing my make up, I just didn't do it. And it was freeing.
 I didn't realize it, but I've become so dependent on make up that I forgot what it was like to leave the house without wearing any. I've always been concerned with my eyes looking big and bright, with my eyebrows being full and perfectly shaped, that I forgot to just learn how to comfortable in my own skin.

 Looking in the mirror and finally seeing someone who is confident without her eyebrows done up and eyelashes dark and full, is an amazing feeling. I'm tearing up just writing about it- I'm learning to stop apologizing for not wearing make up, learning to just be unashamedly me.
 These things take time, but it's worth it. Finding this confidence is so helpful because it feeds into other aspects of my life. Here recently, my siblings, one of my best friends, and I tried out for the play Annie at a new acting group. I sang a solo at the audition- and it was optional to do so. I would have never had the courage to do that a few months ago, even a few weeks ago.

 I can't say with total assurance that not wearing make up all the time is the only reason my confidence has grown, but I know without a doubt it has played a big part in it. I got together with one of my other friends the other day without a stitch of make up on my face. I had literally never done that before (except for when I was, like, 6) and although it was strange, it made me happy.
 Sometimes letting go of the things that we think are a life saver makes us realize we can swim just fine. Being lost in my own appearance made me lose sight of the things that truly matter- my friends and my family- and forced me to get up way earlier than I needed to just in order to get ready for the day.

 I'm not sworn off make up. It's an amazing art form and I still love the look of my eyebrows when I fill them in. Eyeliner is a ton of fun and lipstick is the coolest thing ever. However, I am sworn off letting it control my life.

 I love myself, make up or no make up.

Ciao,
Hannah