A Celebration of Friendship

Hello everyone,

 This is a post to celebrate the people in my life who have never left my side. I love you all so, so, so much, and I can't imagine my life without you.

 To Alexis, you are one of my truest friends. You are open about what you have been through and constantly strive to help others. I love talking with you about life, and one of the greatest nights of my life was going to prom with you. I owe you so much, and can't thank you enough for sticking by my side. I love you so much and I want you to know that you deserve the world.

 To Sophia, you have a beautiful, loving heart of gold. You know just how to make people laugh and are unashamedly yourself, which is amazing. I love you so much. You are going through so much and never let the smile drop from your face. Just remember to breathe, and stay true to yourself. You have a beautiful purpose and a beautiful soul.

 To Emily, I have not known you very long, but the time I have had with you has been beautiful. You are the one of the sweetest people I know and you're crazy talented. You always know how to make me re-focus on God's plan, not my own, and you have such wise words at such a young age. I love you so very much, my dear.

 To Sarah D., I cringe when I think of our earlier interactions; I was strange and clingy, yet you dealt with me anyway. I never thought one day you'd be one of my best friends, but I'm so, so, so glad you are. You are so tough but there is beauty in vulnerability and I can see you growing in both directions, which is so wonderful. I love you, and I respect you, and I can see God helping you through all you have gone through.

 To Alexandra, we don't talk nearly as much as I would like, but I'm terrible with conversation. Nonetheless, you are such an amazing young woman and you constantly astound me with your wisdom and passion for the underdogs. You are going amazing places, and I love you.

 To Sarah H, you are one of my biggest creative inspirations and despite all your hardships, you pull through every single time. I don't know what to say, except that I'm proud of you. I'm so, so, so, very proud, and I love you very much.

 To Chelle, you may be an adult, and my dance teacher, but I also wish to call you my friend. You are one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You are so understanding and strive to help everyone be their best. You are a wonderful teacher, wonderful mother, and wonderful friend.

 To Joy, I've loved seeing you grow and change and become this intelligent, strong, beautiful young woman. We've danced together for years now, and every time I see you, your talent blows me away. You are so very wonderful, and so very loved.

 This can't even begin to describe each and every single one of my friends. I love you all so, so, so, so, so, so, SO MUCH. My heart is bursting from the joy I hold from calling each and every one of you my friend, even if I didn't have enough room to mention you here.

 You are the best, and you deserve the best.

Ciao,
Hannah

Dear Future Boyfriend

Hello everyone,

 Most people have a letter that they wrote to their future wife or husband, any from something humorous or satirical to sweet, sappy love letters to people they may or may not have met yet. Even I myself wrote one a while back; but I thought, I've never seen a letter to someone's future boyfriend.

 So I wrote one to mine.

---

 Dear Future Boyfriend,

 At this point in time, I don't even know if you exist yet. I hope you do, because frankly, I'm really lonely. I hope we meet soon. Maybe we already have... what do you think of me? I bet I think you're great.
 I want you to know that I'm okay to take it slow or to go quick. I want to do whatever makes you comfortable because if I'm happy and comfortable with you, I trust God will guide us in our relationship exactly how we're supposed to go.
 I also want you to know that sometimes I'm not the most emotionally available. I try to be, but sometimes I shut down. Please try to be patient with me, and I'll be trying my hardest to patient with you for whatever you're going through.

 I will help you and stand by you whenever you need me. Whatever hardships you have become my hardships too. I will hold your hand so you know that I'm not going anywhere.
 If I ever get stupid, tell me. If I say something hurtful, tell me. I might be upset at first. But I want to know when I've hurt you so I can come to my senses and change a wrongdoing and hopefully never do it again.
 Whoever you are, please understand that I have a lot of baggage. It's slowly getting better, but I want you to know that I won't judge you for whatever baggage you have. We can take turns carrying it for each other, and hopefully let it go altogether. You can't run when you're holding suit cases.
 When we hit a road block, let's pray about it. God will guide us, I trust that with my whole being. I need you to, too. We cannot let our relationship come before our faith; but you will always be in my heart and mind while I talk to God and put him first.

 Please be open in boundaries with me. I go through phases where I am very touchy-feely, and phases where I don't touch, and I don't want to be touched, so I understand the importance of communication and placing boundaries. Please tell me. I care.
 I hope that we stand the test of time and pass with flying colors. I pray that someday, even if it takes time, we get married. I don't want either of us to break each other's heart. But on the off chance, if for some reason we don't work, please know that I appreciate you and the time we shared.

 We don't have to do fancy, traditional dates, unless you want too. I'm easy to please, and I will listen to whatever you say and formulate an entire list of things you love until I come up with a million date ideas.
 I love the stars and count them when I start to feel lonely. It makes me think of you, and when you'll finally end up in my life. The stars assure me that I'm not alone, that you're not alone, and that someday we'll be not-alone, together.
 And I can't wait for that day.

 With so much love,
 Your Future Girlfriend

Lost In My Own Appearance

Hello everyone,

 Writing this post was really a struggle. Trying to be vulnerable is hard. I've been becoming increasingly better at it, but it sometimes borders on whining when I'm with certain people, or I become closed off all together with other people.

 Almost everyday (except when I stay home all day) for the past 2 or 3 years, I've worn make up in some way, shape, or form. I actually don't usually wear foundation or concealer, but otherwise, my face is caked in highlighters and brow fillers and eyeliner. What started out as a way to gain a sense of independence and an art form turned into something that became a chore.
 Then, one day a few weeks ago, I was sick. I looked in the mirror, and realizing I had to leave the house but didn't feel like doing my make up, I just didn't do it. And it was freeing.
 I didn't realize it, but I've become so dependent on make up that I forgot what it was like to leave the house without wearing any. I've always been concerned with my eyes looking big and bright, with my eyebrows being full and perfectly shaped, that I forgot to just learn how to comfortable in my own skin.

 Looking in the mirror and finally seeing someone who is confident without her eyebrows done up and eyelashes dark and full, is an amazing feeling. I'm tearing up just writing about it- I'm learning to stop apologizing for not wearing make up, learning to just be unashamedly me.
 These things take time, but it's worth it. Finding this confidence is so helpful because it feeds into other aspects of my life. Here recently, my siblings, one of my best friends, and I tried out for the play Annie at a new acting group. I sang a solo at the audition- and it was optional to do so. I would have never had the courage to do that a few months ago, even a few weeks ago.

 I can't say with total assurance that not wearing make up all the time is the only reason my confidence has grown, but I know without a doubt it has played a big part in it. I got together with one of my other friends the other day without a stitch of make up on my face. I had literally never done that before (except for when I was, like, 6) and although it was strange, it made me happy.
 Sometimes letting go of the things that we think are a life saver makes us realize we can swim just fine. Being lost in my own appearance made me lose sight of the things that truly matter- my friends and my family- and forced me to get up way earlier than I needed to just in order to get ready for the day.

 I'm not sworn off make up. It's an amazing art form and I still love the look of my eyebrows when I fill them in. Eyeliner is a ton of fun and lipstick is the coolest thing ever. However, I am sworn off letting it control my life.

 I love myself, make up or no make up.

Ciao,
Hannah

A Love Letter to Doctor Who

Hello lovelies. x

 It has been probably a solid 6 months to a year since I've watched an episode of Doctor Who. I have no idea what's going on in the show anymore and I left off somewhere in season 8 or 9 (I think). Regardless, I still love this show so much.

 I first heard about Doctor Who through NaNoWriMo. There are forums to chat with your fellow writers, and I noticed everyone was talking about this show called Doctor Who. At this point, the Ponds were still the companions & Matt Smith had only been the Doctor for a season.

 Picture this: it's midnight, a few nights before or after Christmas. I'm sitting there, too awake to go to bed yet. I'm on my tablet, reading forum posts on NaNoWriMo.
 I walked up to my dad and asked, "What's Doctor Who?"
 And my dad says, "It's a TV show that a lot of nerds like, Hannah. But we can try an episode if you want."
 That episode was series one episode one of the reboot.

 "Rose" starring Christopher Eccleston & Billie Piper

 Watching that show opened up this whole new world to me, pun not intended. It was exhilarating. It filled me with this sense of wonder. I made friends through Doctor Who. I found a sense of belonging that, at the time, I couldn't 100% center on my faith due to being so young and not having a full sense of understanding. It made me so happy. I hadn't felt as happy as I had when I discovered Doctor Who in a LONG time.

 One time my mom took my siblings & I to Pizza Hut and I had a fashion drawing book (which I still have to this day). Instead of using it to design gowns and pearls and such, I sat at Pizza Hut designing new outfits for the Doctor & Rose, and drawing the TARDIS on any blank surface in the book.

 I would be thrilled to go home and watch Doctor Who after being out in public. My entire wardrobe essentially consisted of Doctor Who t-shirts & other merch. I have all of these memories inspired by Doctor Who, because my whole family just came to love it.

 Doctor Who references & trivia became a daily part of our lives. We soon delved into British culture in general, so it was educational, too. We made regular trips to our local Welsh-Irish-Scottish-English food & goods store.
 Once, my siblings and I had a joint (all three of us!) Doctor Who themed birthday party and our dad drew, cut, and decorated a huge TARDIS decoration for us to use for "pin the light on the TARDIS", and printed out a good 40 or so Cybermen heads out to use for whatever we wanted.

 November 23rd, 2013. A day ingrained in my brain. For a week straight, I- and my family- prepped for the 50th anniversary Doctor Who special. I started crying because of how happy I was, bouncing up and down and nearly breaking our couch. We sat, and I grinned the whole time, barely touching my jammie dodgers in the process.

 I still count that as one of the best days of my life. It was something truly special.

 Being Whovians, I feel, is one of the first things we had that truly connected us as a family on a grand scale.
 Doctor Who taught me a lot that I can't contain to one blog post. It may sound silly or strange or even a little bit 'wrong', but Doctor Who was and has been a vital part of my growing up. This show means so much to me and no matter how far time goes in between me watching it, or how many Doctor Who tees sit in my closet gathering dust, if you ask me what my favorite shows are, Doctor Who is ALWAYS going to be on that list.

Ciao,
Hannah