Yet Another Life Update

    Ciao, y'all. It's been a long time since I've last posted on here, and honestly I don't have much of an excuse other than... I'm lazy and tired. And fairly busy, but also not? Life's been weird lately, y'all.

    At the point of me writing this, a lot has changed. I last posted in May of this year, so it's been a solid few months. Currently I'm sitting in my living room, while my mom & sister are both asleep in their respective bedrooms, my brother is live streaming himself playing Roblox in the computer room/kitchen, and my dogs & boyfriend are all three asleep next to me. 

    I've grown a lot as a person this year, in some good ways and some bad ways. I've grown to be a lot more honest about what I'm feeling- and right now, it's really depressed- which has been helpful to me, but I can also be a bit of a downer to be around anymore. 

    I haven't seen any of my friends much due to the virus and just general insanity, and it's definitely taken a toll on a lot of my relationships. I've also lost a lot of 5+ year friendships/relationships in the past few months which has been a really hard pill to swallow. I'm trying to make piece with it, but it's a lot easier said than done.

    I've been writing a lot of poetry, it's been helping me clear my head and get things down on paper. I've also been drawing and painting a lot too, which has been helping as well. Dance for me has been a hard thing to really do due to some trauma (which is also related to the aforementioned lost friendships) but I'm trying- it's just been a struggle to find joy in the art form much anymore, even though I do love it. Covid's also made it hard for my lovely friend Sophia and I to find meeting places for our company which has really put a lot of things at a stand still as well. 

    My siblings and I did unfortunately have to drop out of our acting group as well, just due to safety worries/precautions and Covid scares. We're still enrolled in dance classes though and those are going well. We're going to do a recorded version of the Nutcracker which should be fun too. My brother is a piece of taffy as well as the Mouse King. My sister is the Candy Cane Ambassador (which we kinda made up for our version of the show, she's on par with like Sugar Plum, Mother Ginger, etc). I'm playing the part of Mother Ginger. Sophia is going to be like the Flower Fairy or something similar, and our friends Ava and Ella are playing Clara and the Nutcracker respectively. 

    I've had 2 legit jobs, I've worked at Sally Beauty and Torrid in the past few months. I quit at Torrid after a couple weeks because I was working 2 (3 if you count pet sitting) jobs at the same time and it was exhausting. I worked at Sally's from June to sometime late September, due to some personal issues and not enough hours/trouble at the store. So I am yet again on the job search- but it could certainly be worse, I suppose.

    I'm currently taking an art appreciation course for school, I'm back on track for Associate's of the Arts because I realized I am NOT cut out to be a theatre major, lol. It's boring but I only have like, 5 weeks left of this course so I can't complain too much. It's just a weird class.

    We've adopted 2 more kittens, Maui and Moana. Originally Maui was named Te Fiti until we realized that Te Fiti was not actually a girl... so then he became Maui. They're really sweet cats, Moana is my little baby. She likes to try to come lay on my laptop whenever I'm typing anything at all.

    I met my boyfriend in August, and we've been together for over 2 months now. He's an amazing guy and I'm really blessed to have met him. Other than Instagram, I've been refraining from posting too much about him just to maintain privacy and such but he's a huge part of my life and I love him lots. He even gets along with my family, which is no easy feat.

    We recently went on a trip (meaning my mom, brother, boyfriend and I) to Cincinnati/Newport. We went to the Newport Aquarium, did a few escape rooms, hung out, and just had a good time in general. It was nice to get away for a bit and do something fun.

    There's honestly not much else to say right now. Life is still pretty boring- reasonably so- because of the virus and everything, so this is about the most dumb life update I've ever done. But it's all good, y'know? Things could always be worse, so I'm just riding things out.

Ciao for now,
Hannah

Life Here Lately...

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Hey y'all,

 It has been a seriously long time since I last posted- a little over 3 months, in fact. You would not believe the amount of times I've sat down to write a blog post, and then just had absolutely nothing come to me. I've shared writing on Instagram, and Facebook, and entered poetry contests, but for some reason the idea of writing a full blog post seemed so intimidating.
 Simultaneously everything and nothing has happened these past three months; it's honestly rather strange. My last post was February 10th, so I suppose I'll just try to go back and talk about what's been going on in chronological order.

 Hopping way back to January, I mentioned it briefly but never really talked about it- my siblings and I had the Musical Theatre Revue with our acting group. It was super stressful and the theater had a freaking ridiculous amount of stairs, but otherwise it was a lot of fun. My brother was apart of the stage crew for that show and my sister and I were on stage. We had a duet which turned out pretty rough (I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis), but my sister did a great job on her solo (Home from Beetlejuice). All the group numbers went reallt

 Sometime in either January or February we also went back to Otherworld in Columbus, which was my brother's Christmas present, but it was a bit of a rough weekend trip due to various reasons, but we still had a pretty okay time regardless.

 Something I never posted about on here was that on February 8th, I got to go see my favorite band, The Lumineers, in concert. While it took forever for them to get on stage and I was not a fan of their two openers, the Lumineers themselves were mind-blowing. My Mom got me tickets for Christmas and I'm still so grateful. Lots of (happy) tears were shed that night. However, we were in Cleveland at night, with a concert that just got out, in the middle of Winter, and ended up having to walk back to our hotel...

 Which kick-started me feeling sick. I started feeling pretty gross and sniffly and stuff, but managed to pull through that week, looking forward to my birthday, and then the day of my birthday (and party arrived), and I was sick as a dog. I slept most of the day before, and then the day of my party, I helped set up for my party (invitations had all been sent out + non-refundable venue), and then spent the rest of the time alternating between sitting at a table with my head lying on it or throwing up in the bathroom... so shout-out to my bestie Sophia for chilling with me the whole time despite me being sick. She's a real one, y'all.
 I feel really bad because I barely talked to any of my friends at my party (the ones who showed up anyway, y'all are fantastic and I love you). I pretty much parked myself between Soph, my siblings, and my grandparents and spent my eighteenth birthday feeling like dirt. It was a very depressing way to spend the day, and as soon as we got home, I went to bed. I didn't get to eat any of the snacks we got or really enjoy my decorations or anything. I'm still super peeved, but it is what it is I suppose.

 Then I was pretty sick for the next week or two, and the Thursday after my party (about 5 days later) I thought I was going to die so my Mom took me to the ER (...I was supposed to be at dance class lol), and turns out I just had a God-awful case of bronchitis. They put me on meds and other than a lingering cough, I was good in about another week or two.
 February's a bit of a blur. January-February are almost always rough months for me, the past 2 or 3 years I've come down with really serious illnesses around/on my birthday that usually start at the end of January. I don''t know what the deal is, but it just happens every time without fail.

 At the end of February/beginning of March, we went to go see our friend Naomi in a show at the La Comedia dinner theatre, which is an awesome place. It was The King & I, which I'd never had much interest in before, but it was amazing! I had such a great time and Naomi did a lovely job.

 After this is where things start to get blurry- with the Covid-19 pandemic, everything is crazy. I pretty much am temporarily unemployed because no one needs a pet sitter because no one can actually travel right now. I've been going stir-crazy with not being able to go see my friends or at least take my siblings places or go to the movies with my family and stuff. Never did I ever think we'd be living through a world-wide pandemic. Just goes to show life never goes as planned.

 Unfortunately, we had to rehome our one pup, Buster, because he wasn't a good fit for our family. He is a great dog, just not great for our situation, but I do miss the little stinker. We've also lost a few of our other pets these past few months unfortunately, and it does hurt my heart a lot.
 The company I used to dance with, Fueled & Aflame, had a final concert so I went back to dance with them for that- it ended up being virtual which was a rough send-off for something that has had so many memories and time put into it and stuff. It was better than nothing, though. Shortly after, things started closing for us. Our acting group had to cancel our production of Godspell, which means (aside from like, Soph and I and maybe a few others) the seniors don't get a final bow, which is really quite sad.
 Dance class is on hold for in-person classes which is really depressing. I love my studio, and so it's been rough not being able to see everyone (especially being the 'new kid'). We've had classes over Zoom, but it's just not the same, plus I'm really struggling with picking up choreography, and I'm not sure exactly how recital will work this year, which makes me sad, because it was going to be my first recital with this studio.

 Overall, this pandemic has just been a hellish situation for everyone. I'm glad things are opening again, but I'm also concerned about a spike in cases. One day at a time, I suppose. I'm ready for things to be normal again but I know 'normal' is not really ever going to be on the horizon again. We live in such a digital age that I think this will change us forever.
 There are things to look forward to, though. I have two more college classes starting next month. I'm taking a humanities course and a history course. I declared (unofficially) my major as theatre but have switched to a general associate of art's because I honestly have no idea what the heck I want to do with my life.
 My siblings & I are taking our friend Syd to prom in July (delayed because of Covid), so that's going to be a blast. I've also been using this time for good, and Sophia and I are starting up our own dance company. Everything is lined up so now I'm using my anxious energy to expend on choreography and website building and such. I hope to find an official job soon and start planning for when I'm stable and able to move out. I also hope to start taking boxing lessons once things open back up. Good and bad, bad and good. Just doing my best to focus on the good.

 So this has been a brief- but not-so-brief- overview of what my life has been like lately. How are things in your neck of the woods? Let me know in the comments :)
 -Hannah

What I've Been Up To

Hey everyone!!

 It has been a g e s since I last posted- which is actually kind of a good thing, because I've been really busy, doing stuff that I (mostly) love. Life's been hectic and I haven't had much time or energy to just sit down and write a blog post.

 Forewarning: this is going to be a very picture-heavy post, so it might run somewhat slow on data or slow wifi systems.

 So, at the beginning of June, my siblings & I had our end-of-year dance concert. It was quite bittersweet- I've stuck with dance, but cut back a lot, and my siblings dropped it altogether, and things are changing with the company I dance with. It's a big year of change.

Opus- my favorite piece, like, ever. It holds a special place in my heart.
Obviously not my photo... seeing as I'm in it. :) haha

  Then, the day after our performance, we went and saw my dear friend Sophia in her dance recital, where she played Tinkerbell (they did a version of Peter Pan for their production). It was wonderful and I love seeing her dance.

 Also in June, we adopted a new kitten! We named her Glinda. Now we've got 5 cats- it's a bit of a madhouse around here, lots of meowing. From oldest to youngest, it's Sherbert, Briar, Mittens, Elphaba, and Glinda.

 In June we also had all 6 of our shows for Annie Jr. It went amazing and I'm so proud of all of the people involved. We sold out 4 of 6 shows! It's a small theatre, but still! Pretty darn cool. It went splendidly, even with a few injuries and insanities that happened.

I can't find the one of me, my siblings, and Soph, so here's one without Christian. (sorry, dude.)
Also peep those little kids taller than the adult cop. :P

The orphanage set-up! (I painted the two signs on the back wall. Took forever but totally worth it.)

 At the end of June, my sister, mom & I all went to go see Waitress the musical. I saw off-Broadway versions of Beauty & the Beast and The Lion King, but this was a whole other experience and I had a total blast. It's one of my favorite musicals, and I may or may not have sobbed through the entirety of She Used to Be Mine. #notsorry

 At the beginning of July, my family & I binged the entirety of Stranger Things in one sitting. No regrets... this season was amazing and well worth the hype!

 Also in July, I re-auditioned for dance. I wasn't going to, but something in me just knew I couldn't survive without it. So I prayed about it, and decided to just go for it. I'm a trainee with the adult company, Fueled and Aflame, this year.

 Then in mid-July/late-ish July, my siblings and I attended a 2-week acting camp where we put together an entire show in a week (the rest of the time was spent learning new techniques and stuff). I learned so much and had a blast getting to know every one. We all traded Instagrams and Snapchats and such to stay in contact.

 We did an original play called After Ever After that was written by our teacher, Kylee. She did a great job and we all had a blast with it. I had the only non-fairytale role in the show as Alex the crowd-manager. My siblings played Jack and Jill, respectively. It was a total blast and, if I do say so myself, really good for being put together in such a short time.

Beth goofing off in her Jill costume on stage.

My siblings & I.

My siblings & I with Sophia.
(I should add that Soph wasn't in the show- she came to see it and support us, because that's just the amazing person she is)

  Also in this time, my family went to go see The Lion King. In my opinion, it was beautifully done, had an excellent cast, and was just all around a really good movie. Not one of my favorite Disney movies, per say, but definitely at the top of my list for ones that seriously impressed me.

My siblings & I also screwed around in the arcade, where I won that rubber duck, and in the photo booth.

 Christian also turned 13 on the 26th of July! No more kiddos in the house- we're all *nervously* approaching adulthood.

 The last two photos are from a cool coffee shop that's here locally... we went with our mom to the homeschool assessment that we have to do every year, and I got an Italian soda float with creme de menthe syrup and like- YUM. I also got my mom chocolate-strawberry blooming tea.

 At the very tail end of July, my family went on a mini-trip which I'll share a full post about later. For now, I'm off to go watch Descendents 3 and cuddle with some dogs! I'll see y'all around.

Until next time,
Hannah

Post-Grad Grumblings

Hello y'all,

 This post is a heavily-vent-y post, because I've been very frustrated and, truth be told, hurt, lately. I'm giving a small language warning for this post. If you don't like it- please just go past this post. Now, moving on. It's graduation season again, and that means I've been out of high school for a year.

 Like, what??? How did that happen?

 The frustration comes in when I see everyone celebrating my friends and family members who are almost graduated from high school/just graduated. I worked my ass off for years, through living hell as I experienced lots of trauma and depressive episodes, and managed to graduate 2 years early. I'm already in college, if I start doing a full course load I could graduate in 4ish semesters with my associate's degree.

 And yet I got none of the recognition that came from it. I invited a ton of people to my graduation party and I had 3 of my close friends show up, as well as a few of my mom's friends, but we shared a graduation party because she graduated with her bachelor's at that point.

 Which, I love my mom, and I know she'll read this, and it's something we've talked about before. But I do regret this. Since I didn't have a graduation ceremony, the one celebration I had, I had to share. And I'm proud and happy that she graduated, but it also left me with a feeling of not being good enough because here I am, excited about HS graduation, and she just graduated with her bachelor's from college. But that's not really the main issue, it's just the lack of people who've really seemed happy for me.

 I appreciate my friends who came, don't get me wrong. Those three girls coming made me so happy- but it doesn't change the fact that pretty much none of my family showed up. Other friends, mentors, and people in my life couldn't take half an hour to just stop by. That's all I wanted.

 I know you should do things for yourself, but it hurts when it feels like no one genuinely cares, about something other people have a big deal made out of. Half of my family doesn't even realize I graduated- and no one has bothered to care anyway, because I was homeschooled, so obviously I'm not truly educated. I didn't have a graduation ceremony and since barely anyone showed up to my party, it sends a pretty big vibe of 'screw you'.

 I've always tried to prove people wrong, show them that I'm smart, but the truth is? I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired of it. When no one cares enough to ask how school is going, or see how I'm doing, I just don't care.

 I. Just. Don't. Care. Anymore.

 Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for my friends and family who are graduating, truly. I'm so proud of them, whether it's college or HS. It's a big deal and I'm so glad and excited to see where God is going to open doors for you next.

 I just wish people cared enough about what He was opening up for me.

 And I do appreciate what people did do for me; those who cared enough to show up, or wish me congratulations, and my church at the time for including me in the grad recognition ceremony. I love them/you all and I can't thank you enough.

 But I also really wish that the other people in my life, the ones who are supposed to care about me and my accomplishments, actually did. I wish I'd been able to have a ceremony. I wish I didn't feel sick when I look at my diploma. But most of all? I wish I could stop being so upset about it all.

 Ciao,
Hannah

Gun Control Essay

Hello everyone!

 I thought I'd share my essay on gun control/reform that I wrote for English 1 last semester in college- it was my first college essay that I actually completed, so it was quite exciting. Please understand that this is formated in MLA style, so I had to change some things for this blog post. Please bear with me. :)

 I am very much pro-gun reform. I am not 100% anti-gun, but I think if we cracked down on illegal guns and ammunition, then we would not need so many people to carry guns anyway. This essay had to be neutral-sided, so if it seems odd that is why.

-----

                Currently, gun control and/or reform is a very controversial topic. With issues such as school shootings and terrorist groups, it is easy to see why. Some people have had bad experiences with guns or people wielding guns; while other people do not think bearing arms is an important issue to worry about. Often, though, people agree that gun violence is too prevalent of an issue to ignore lax gun laws any longer.

                There is a struggle with gun control due to the possibility of people being able to legally obtain guns, before turning to use them in illegal and cruel ways. In October of 2018, a man named Robert Bowers committed an anti-Semitic shooting in a Jewish synagogue in Pittsburgh. When asked about this incident, Adam Skaggs, the chief counsel of the Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence, reportedly said, “When you combine heated, divisive political rhetoric with easy access to lethal weaponry, the possibility of these kinds of incidents happening is even more troubling,”. 

“I’m scared that I’m going to be, like, 40 years old and I’ll wake up, and I won’t be able to see

out of one of my eyes,” was the response of Samantha Fuentes, when she was asked about what it is

like to still have bullet fragments left in her body from the Marjory Stoneman-Douglas school shooting in Parkland, Florida, in a video conducted by the New York Times called ‘The Bullet Inside My Body’.

 

                In an article titled, “Why Own a Gun? Protection Is Now Top Reason” written by Sara Kehaulani Goo for the Pew Research Center in 2013, the research center reportedly did a survey that showed 48% of gun owners in America own a gun for protection and only 32% of people reported having a gun for hunting. The other 20% of American gun owners chose different reasons for owning a gun, such as target shooting or other gun sports.

                In another article written in 2012, by Ed Pilkington, and published in The Guardian includes a statement made by Wayne LaPierre, the executive director of the National Rifle Association, regarding the Sandy Hook school shooting; "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun”, therefore implying that if schools had armed guards school shootings would be better prevented.

                The same article included another statement from Mr. LaPierre along the same lines, "If we truly cherish our kids, more than money, more than our celebrities, we must give them the greatest level of protection possible and the security that is only available with a properly trained – armed – good guy."

                However, many reports and research show that although the slogan seems like a good idea, to have it put into action is not a functional course of action. In a research study from the National Bureau of Economic Research, they studied how gun violence relates to the ability for citizens to carry concealed weapons (RTC- Right to Carry- laws). In the study, they cited the case of George Zimmerman who killed Trayvon Martin in a fatal confrontation. 

“Presumably, George Zimmerman would not have hassled Trayvon Martin if Zimmerman had

not had a gun, so the gun encouraged a hostile confrontation, regardless of who ultimately becomes

violent,” said John Donohue and his co-authors in the study. “The presence of the gun actually

stimulates more provocative action and ends up getting people killed,” he also stated.

                Gun violence has been such an overwhelming problem in America that even popular celebrities have weighed in with their opinion to try to get others to understand the problems that stem from gun violence and the common-place action of civilians carrying guns. One such person, the pop music artist Taylor Swift, shared an image of the March for Our Lives logo in March of 2018 to Instagram with the caption starting off with, “No one should have to go to school in fear of gun violence. Or to a nightclub. Or to a concert. Or to a movie theater. Or to their place of worship.” 

                At the Richard Montgomery high school in Rockville, Md., a senior named Daniel Gelillo stated to the NRA, "I don't think there would have been any other way that I would have spent my last day of high school other than pushing to make sure schools will be safe, even after I'm done with public school,” when asked about a protest he helped organize, called a ‘die-in’.

                He continued, saying, "I don't want them to have to go to school in fear and in danger of being killed by someone just because they had easy access to a gun,” in reference to his sister and friends who would still be at the school after he graduated. 

                In February of 2018, an article in the New York Times reported about Dick’s Sporting Goods and Wal-Mart stores, both of which declared they would no longer sell guns to anyone who is under twenty-one years of age, regardless of what local law states. 

               Wal-Mart also changed their policies to state that would no longer sell anything that even resembled an assault-style rifle, including things like air guns and toys. Other organizations and businesses- such as Delta Airlines, Hertz Car Rental, and more- also publicly declared cutting any existing ties with the NRA (National Rifle Association) around the same time. 

                In an article from The Washington Post, the following was written by the author, Henry Farrell, an associate professor at George Washington University; “In the long run, the norm-setting role of laws may give them hope that clear laws can have significant consequences. It would be hard, for example, for a new semi-automatic weapon ban to stop people from using the many semiautomatic weapons that are already in private hands.” 

                Mr. Farrell then continued, “However, even when laws are hard to enforce universally, they can shape people’s broad expectations about what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in everyday life. A country where it is considered aberrant to possess near-military grade weapons and where guns were again banned in many public places would likely have very different politics around guns than the country in which pro-gun and anti-gun advocates live today.”

                In all discussions regarding gun laws and violence, it is important to remember the value of all human life as laws are studied and changed or strengthened in regard to life in America today. Our

existence on this planet is filled with flaws and sadness, but also beauty, if only we choose to respect all the lives around us.

 -----

    References

1) Synagogue Suspect’s Guns Were All Purchased Legally, Inquiry Finds by Richard A. Oppel Jr. [New York Times]

2) They Survived Mass Shootings. Now, They are Living With Bullets Inside Them. By Ian Urbina [New York Times]

3) Why Own A Gun? Protection is Now Top Reason by Sara Kehaulani Goo [Pew Research Center]

4) NRA chief breaks post-Newtown silence to call for armed guards at schools by Ed Pilkington [The Guardian]

5) Breaking down the NRA-backed theory that a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun by Meghan Keneally [ABC News]

6) As Graduates In Santa Fe And Parkland Look Ahead, A Look Back On Activism This Year by Brakkton Booker [NPR]

7) Walmart and Dick’s Raise Minimum Age for Gun Buyers to 21 by Julie Creswell and Michael Corkery [New York Times]

8) Gun control laws could work, even if they’re hard to enforce by Henry Farrell [The Washington Post]

 Ciao for now,
 Hannah