Out Of My Comfort Zone

Hello everyone,

 Lately, I have not been in my comfort zone. Part of me feels reckless, but part of me feels contented. It's strange but exhilarating and terrifying all at the same exact time. It's been taking steps out in faith and trust, sometimes by choice and sometimes out of necessity, but nonetheless it's been a change of pace.

 I'm generally quiet, a bit anxious, maybe even a little bit of an anti-social (not un-socialized, but definitely anti-social, haha!) homeschooler (well, was,). But lately, I've been finding myself talking more. I'm not going to lie, I'm constantly second guessing myself. Things like;

"Was that weird?"

"Did I talk too much?"
"Did I not talk enough?"

"Did I leave a bad impression?"
"Do they hate me?"

 ...are all constantly present in my mind. However, I've finally realized that if someone doesn't like me, they can either tell me, or just not socialize with me. I second guess my appearance too, but I've also realized that if someone is judging me for wearing sweatpants, or no make up, then they either have A: never had a bad day or been tired in their life, or B: need to get over themselves.

 I'm doing a lot of things, talking to lots of new people, pursuing higher education, I got a tattoo, joined an acting group, and have started actually talking to people I don't know very well. I signed up for camp and am actually trying things in dance I was scared to try before.

 My friend Sophia invited me to a super cool event where we hung out with a bunch of artists/photographers we didn't even really know, and I met some really great people and got some really great perspectives for my future. I'm going to try a youth group soon, which I've never really had the guts for, and I'm signed up for stuff on my college campus, which I also never thought I would do.

 And I'm still here, I'm still okay. Things haven't gone tragically wrong. It's exciting and calming to know that all this time, I've had this in me. I'm not floating alone in this vast world, I don't have to constantly tone myself down or do less things to make other people happy.

 I just want to live my life to the fullest, because I'm done going through the motions. Life is so much more exciting than I previously believed, and doing new things really opens you up to a whole new perspective.