Personality Shift

Hello lovelies!

 When I was younger, I was a major over-achiever. I strived to fit this mold of perfection that I had created in my head. I was good at school, I had great prospects, I tried to be the best at everything I did (and got really upset when other's didn't try, or I couldn't be the best at something), I was honestly rather annoying.

 I was that kind of kid that adults love, and fellow children love to hate. I wasn't very athletic (I'm still not as far as sports go,) and I wasn't super friendly, but I was intelligent. Things seemed bright for my future, and I was very uppity-uppity about it.




 In the world I had created in my head, I was going to get straight A's and B's in school; I was going to get the Stars & Stripes award from American Heritage Girls, I was going to become a famous model who traveled the world and gave motivational speeches at fancy conferences.

 But then... I just got... tired. Tired of trying, tired of existing, tired of just... everything. I began to experience depression symptoms which didn't help, and I had a lot of friends, but at the same time, no friends. I pushed away the people who truly loved me for me, and hung out with friends who I am currently no longer friends with, or were just very, very toxic.

 There for a while, I coasted. As long as I had a passing grade, I didn't care. I dropped out of scouting, 4H, and... everything else. The only thing I do now is dance (which, honestly, I'm not complaining, because that's where my passion lies, but we'll get to that in a minute).

 I was constantly planning my future, but it was not something very attainable. Possible? Sure. Probable? Definitely not. My personality shifted entirely. I become this person that, frankly, I hated. It's not like I was this horrible, wretched person, but I just gave up. I had ambition, but no motivation to pursue anything. I slacked off on everything.

 I'm still really tired, but now, a few years down the road, my personality has shifted now. I'm a kinder person, or at least, I'm trying to be. I deal with a lot of social anxiety, but otherwise, I'm a much friendlier person than I was. I'm generally much happier, honestly.
 I've been going to counseling, and writing things down, which helps a lot. Getting the hard stuff off my chest has helped me to start focusing on the positive things in life.

 I'm not trying to say my life is perfect now. It's far from it, and I have a long way to go- but I'm getting there, and that's what matters. I've met some really amazing people and reconnected with old friends.
 I've gotten over some hurt from my past, both things that just happened and things that I caused to happen. I'm trying to be a light in the world. I'm growing in my faith, with my family, and in my community.
 I'm getting ready to graduate from high school and I'm working on getting my driver's license. I'm job searching, and working on some of my entrepreneurial endeavors.

 I still struggle, of course, but don't we all? The difference between now and then is I've finally learned to pray, cope, and think things through, and it's helping me grow into a kinder, better person. For once, I am totally okay with a personality shift.

Ciao!
Hannah